🤝My Learnings on Networking
I hate the word ‘networking’ 🤬.
It sets a selfish objective: you want to get something for yourself from this other person. It implies a transaction. You “sell yourself” and the other person provides you something in return (usually a job offer). It creates a false objective to demonstrate to the other person how “amazing” you are.
If you start with this mindset, you lost before even starting. No one wants to be treated like this.
Let me tell you how I see the rules and how to win the game.
🤝 A new way to think about networking
👀 Curiosity is key
Instead, we need a shift in mindset which can be reflected in a simple change:
It’s not networking. It’s a learning opportunity.
Everyone has a story.
Everyone has their mistakes, challenges, and their learnings.
Everyone has their experience and knowledge.
And YOU are blessed with the opportunity to tap into the story of someone who has achieved something you would want to achieve.
This is the key and the main objective: to find out what they did to get where they are so that you can see and prepare yourself for the upcoming path and hurdles that they already encountered.
Don’t get me wrong: job offer, money, endorsement, or any new opportunity is important - but secondary. If that’s your main goal you will most likely fail. Sorry. The chance it will happen is 1 to 100. You just need to get lucky. It’s beyond your control.
But what you can control is asking questions. The learning and the answers are guaranteed. What should you learn? What skills should you acquire? Who should you meet? Where should you be? And trust me, this is what eventually will lead you to the job offer (or whatever you’re seeking).
So approach these discussions as a learning opportunity instead of networking. Bring the greatest gift you have: your attention and curiosity instead of selling yourself. That's how you will succeed.
Ask yourself the question: would you want to talk to someone who is arrogant and constantly talks about themselves? Or would you want to talk to someone who is inspired and curious?
I would certainly go for the latter one.
🏢 The harsh reality of networking
I was fortunate enough to get a job through my network. Like many other people.
To clarify: this doesn’t mean that I was offered a job by having lunches with people. Far from it. Instead, I searched for people with the greatest expertise in the questions I wanted to find the answers to. We connected and (luckily) there was an opportunity for me to join the team.
For the record, I do not agree with the system. It is not fair that people are offered an opportunity just because they know the right people. It does not necessarily reflect skill, experience, or fit for the job.
However, ask yourself the question: if you were hiring someone for a position, would you rather screen 150 CVs and cover letters, interview 20 people to hire one person? Or would you invite someone who was recommended by people you know and trust for one interview?
Either way, this is how the system works and the sooner we accept the rules for the game, the faster we can learn how to play to win. The wider the network, the more knowledge you can tap into and the more opportunities you will have.
That is why I wanted to collect my key advice, techniques, and tricks developed to connect with people. The collection will be broken into three sections:
- Before the talk: what can you do before the actual discussion to prepare
- During the talk: how can you make the most out of the limited time and discussion
- After the talk: what can you do to make a lasting impression and keep the relationship alive
I hope by sharing them with you, you will be able to build a strong network and get into your aspired career path.
📝 Before the talk
📩 Reach out!
Probably the most intimidating part of the whole experience: inviting a stranger to talk.
This fear is incredibly over-rated. Listen. In the worst case, they will say no. So what? Nod and move on to the next person. If they say yes, you’re going for the jackpot. Like dating, right?
1) When reaching out introduce yourself in a few sentences, tell them the reasons why you would want to hear from them (be as specific as possible).
2) Thank them for their time and give them the option to say no! A few words along the lines of “feel free to say no, of course, I understand if you’re busy” can go a long way. It truly demonstrates empathy and relieves pressure from the other person.
🙋♂️ Prepare to introduce yourself!
You can make a first impression only once, so make sure you nail it!
For this, I would suggest preparing a few sentences to introduce yourself at the beginning of a conversation.
Like a trailer for a movie. A few highlights on who you are, where are you want to be, but not giving away too much to keep the curiosity of the audience. Tell us where you’re coming from, what challenges you encountered, what mistakes you made or difficulties you overcame.
Don’t list all your experiences as a laundry list. Instead, tell them what lead you here and what made you want to talk to this person.
❓ Prepare with questions!
Ask yourself: what do you want to get out of the conversation? Or to rephrase: what are the key learnings you want to come away with? By collecting the most important questions, you can prepare to get the most out of each learning opportunity.
After collecting, make sure you prioritize. Find the most important questions and the ones that you can ask as a follow-up. You can also link them in a logical order (identifying which questions could be asked after the other).
Ideas:
- What did they do to get there?
- What did they fuck-up?
- Why did they do it?
- What would they differently if they could go back in time?
- What advice would they have for someone like you?
- How does the system work?
- Who did they meet?
⏰ Double-check the time!
I can’t emphasise this enough. The worst you can do is to waste another person’s time by forgetting or overlooking the time. So be ready 5 minutes before the call! And check the timezones, speaking from experience.....
🗣 During the talk
🧊 Break the ice!
Personally, I like to go for the small talk in the beginning. Familiarise yourselves with each other’s voices, discuss current and relevant issues (which we have a lot right now). Obviously don’t drag it on for too long, but I found jumping right into the business to be unnatural. Make you and the other person feel comfortable.
🙏 Say thanks and introduce yourself!
Then, I like to start by expressing gratitude. Saying thanks is not only mandatory in my eyes (the other person could do so many things instead of talking to you....), but it also creates a great first impression. I also like to ask how much time they have so that we can stick to it and make the most out of it.
Then, you can go into introducing yourself as you have prepared earlier. By leading the conversation, you do the other person a favour. Or is it just me who prefers the other person leading the conversation?
😎 Smile!
Even on the phone or in person, smiling makes a difference. Your physiology affects your emotions. That's why smiling, raising your eyebrows, and turning your full body towards the other person will certainly change the atmosphere. It demonstrates pure attention, which will not only help the other person tremendously but also you.
Try! Next time you talk to someone on the phone, smile. In the beginning, it might feel like faking it, but it will turn into true emotions very fast.
👂 Ask and relate!
You probably have an amazing list of questions (because you prepared earlier, right?). Fire them! Be curious and seek the answers to the questions bugging your mind.
As you listen you will hear surprising answers, techniques you expected, or strategies you were also thinking of. Express these emotions! Find the points in the story that you can personally relate to!
This is what truly demonstrates passion.
📝 Take notes!
Human memory is despicable (or is it just me?), so take notes. Ask whether the other person is comfortable with it, but I never met anyone who was uncomfortable with me taking notes during our conversation. Why would they be? There is nothing wrong with being curious and hungry for knowledge.
Writing down these ideas have a great impact:
1) you can review them later and get back at them when you need.
2) as you are writing them, those ideas are internalised to some extent in your subconscious brain. You never know how might this affect your life.
😁 Just listen and enjoy!
Again, everyone has their stories, their lessons, and their knowledge. The opportunity to listen to someone is not only valuable from a learning perspective, but it is also fun and exciting. We, humans, are hungry for stories. Especially when we can relate to it. This is the foundation to building connections.
Passion is energising not for the speaker, but also for the listener. These learning opportunities should be a fun experience, so enjoy them!
👨💻 After the talk
🧗Leave a cliff-hanger!
I have a small magic trick for the end. As I am tracking the time, I like to ask one question in the last few minutes I know we won’t finish.
Why? Because this gives me the opportunity to naturally follow up afterward.
I shoot my last question. The answer comes. And then I go “I know we could discuss this longer, but I want to be respectful of your time. Maybe we could continue offline/have a follow-up call to continue?”
💌 Follow-up!
After finishing the call make sure you shoot a follow-up e-mail. The mandatory part is to say thanks! I can’t emphasise this enough. They were generous with their time and we should all appreciate it (even if it didn’t go as expected).
Feel free to request any materials if they came up and/or to organise another call /meeting. I also like to offer my help in case they need anything.
📆 Keep the relationship alive!
An e-mail, a short discussion once in a while will keep the connection alive. You never know what opportunity might come up from where, but this is beyond our control.
Keep in mind your time and energy are limited. You don’t need to call everyone all the time. Identify the top 20% of your professional network you would like to stay in contact with (for me it’s also the people I enjoy talking to) and talk to them every once in a while.
👊 It’s really not that bad, trust me
I know how intimidating learning (or networking) can be. We are naturally coded to be uncomfortable with talking to strangers. However, I hope this guide will ease and address at least some of your fears. To close, I have three departing messages:
✋Everyone does it!
If you are still worried that the other person might not want to talk to you, think about the fact most probably the other person is there because of their network. Either directly (e.g. got a job offer through their network) or indirectly (e.g. got guidance through their network).
This is how the system works, it’s a fully human thing to do. There is really no need to be afraid.
💸 Low investment, huge return!
Why do we fasten our seatbelts in the car? It’s very unlikely that a major crash would happen to us. But if the small action of clicking the seatbelt can save our lives, why not do it?
Networking is the same. If the small action of reaching out can grant us invaluable life advice or a job offer, why not do it? It would be stupid not to. So write that e-mail or text message and start talking to people!
🏋️♀️ It’s a skill!
Whether we want to face it or not, networking/learning is a skill. The more you do it the easier it will be and the better you will become.
Just like dating. The first ones will be really awkward and crappy, but I promise you. After the 100th time, you will have no issue with reaching out and talking to people!